Service on Saturday for Mary Spindler, 1939–2025

A celebration of her life will be held at St. Anne’s in-the-Fields Episcopal Church in Lincoln on Saturday, July 19 at 2:30pm for Mary Allen Griffing Spindler, who died on July 11 with her two children, David and Henry, by her side.

Mary was a thoroughly invested resident of Lincoln starting in 1968. In 1986, she was part of the successful effort to revert what was then called Sandy Pond, where Thoreau first had a cabin, to its earlier name of Flints Pond. She was a member of the Lincoln Historic District Commission and was active in the Lincoln Historical Society, serving as its president for a time. Instead of “historic” or “historical,” in conversation with family or close friends she insisted on using “hysteric” or “hysterical.” As a member of the commission, she was sometimes in the minority, writing dissenting opinions on the side of preservation.

Mary never stopped learning. When her son Henry was majoring in chemistry in college, she pulled out her own college chemistry textbooks and tried to get up to speed. Books, NPR, magazines, and newspapers were her source materials, the latter two of which she would clip to create voluminous piles (known in the family as “rubble stacks”) for the further edification of her sons.

When her sons were young, she built for them from scratch a full-sized carpentry workbench and a child-sized faux sink and stove kitchenette. She kept the kitchenette for her grandchildren to use, along with a comprehensive collection of artifacts from her own past and those of her family members.

She was quick to express gratitude in speech and writing. Most of the postage stamps that she used were for thank-you notes, birthday wishes, and anniversary commemorations. She was modest to the point of not mentioning her accomplishments, making this obituary difficult to write with the accuracy that she would demand, even for her sons. Her husband had to tell her sons about her efforts to rename Sandy Pond, because she did not mention this episode to them. She liked to joke with her husband that plaques and monuments had been erected to commemorate places that he had visited, even as a child.

Mary Allen Griffing was born on July 24, 1939, in Harrisonburg, Va., to M. Scudder Griffing, originally of Shelter Island, N.Y., and A. Mildred (Allen) Griffing, originally of Somerset, Ky. At the time, her family was living in Luray, Va.; soon after, the family moved to Richmond.

While the family lived in Virginia, her father was employed by the National Park Service. In the mid-1950s, the family moved to Shelter Island, where nearly all of her father’s siblings lived. There she started high school before attending Friends Academy in Locust Valley, N.Y., with tuition assistance from a family friend. She majored in American Studies at Stanford University (a “junior university,” as she sometimes called it). She felt fortunate to benefit from classes with the novelist Wallace Stegner, and other professors whose names and classes she long remembered. She played on the women’s basketball team, which was not recognized as a legitimate varsity team until many years later, when she was honored with a varsity letter.  Alongside her coursework, she held a job as a tour guide and pulled out bits of her spiel when the family visited the campus decades later. She graduated in 1961. The following year, she graduated with a master’s degree in education from Harvard.

Mary met James W. Spindler of Middletown, Ohio in 1957, and they were married in Shelter Island in 1964. He died in 2019 after living for many years with Parkinson’s disease, and she was an extraordinarily diligent and indefatigable caregiver for him in his later years. She is also predeceased by her sister, Barbara Wagner, who lived much of her adult life in Darien, Conn. In addition to her two sons, she leaves behind five grandchildren.

She worked as an elementary school teacher at Hanscom Air Force Base before getting married, and tutored reading at the Carroll School in Lincoln for much of the 1990s and the early 2000s. As an elementary school teacher, one of her favorite classroom teaching techniques was to have her students listen to music and draw what came to mind. She worked at the Lincoln Library in the latter part of the 1980s and the early 1990s.

Mary loved music. She was active in the St. Anne’s in-the-Fields Episcopal Church choir for decades, serving for a time on its committee to hire an organist. She played the piano avidly. She organized activities for her children and others, including a concert band conducted by Ken Keyes and a soccer team coached by John Walker. To the delight of her sons, she did all that was humanly possible to have her family’s cocker spaniel, Kabuki, give birth to three litters of AKC-approved puppies, one of which grew up to be Jacqueline du Pré.

In her young adulthood, she had always wanted to live in an old house. She realized this ambition in 1974, when she and her family moved into a house built at various times during the nineteenth century. She derived joy from researching its history from oral and written sources and in working in the gardens, fields, and woods around it. Her father had studied landscape architecture in college; from him she learned a vast set of plants names and the sense for which trees to cut down. She actively participated in the clearing of field-encroaching trees and bushes through her late 60s, and hauled firewood for her wood stove into her 80s. She moved to Carleton-Willard Village in Bedford in 2023.

A celebration of her life will be held at St. Anne’s in-the-Fields Episcopal Church in Lincoln on Saturday, July 19, 2025, at 2:30pm. A reception will follow.

Donations in her memory may be made to St. Anne’s in-the-Fields Episcopal Church’s Music Fund or P.O. Box 6, Lincoln MA 01773; or the Lincoln Historical Society, P.O. Box 6084, Lincoln, MA 01773.